What's a Date Worth?
by SilverScyther
Summary: Set in the same universe as "Public Service Announcements of Justice", Batman decides to replenish the Justice League's funds by hosting a contest where the prize will be a date with him. The League members and most of the people of earth will be battling for a date with Batman who will sit by and enjoy the carnage he stirs up and money he brings in.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This story is set in the same basic universe as my story "Public Service Announcements of Justice" so everyone is wildly out of character. This is an spin-off that serves as an alternate for chapter 18, but I converted it into more of a story format. Reading my other story isn't necessary, but it will make things a bit easier to understand as well as some inside jokes clear. Either way I hope you enjoy the story,**

* * *

"Are you really sure this is a good idea?" Green lantern asked floating alongside Batman as they approached the monitor womb. He knew his input would change little, but he had to try to make Batman see reason. Batman had already declared himself king of the league and Green Lantern wasn't going to dare challenge the king, he didn't want to lose his status as a duke and end up like Aquaman. The life of a peasant was not one he wanted to lead so he would go along with the king's whims.

"My ideas are always flawless, you should know that by now," Batman responded dismissively already sitting down and typing out the message he was planning to send around the world. "Besides if our funds weren't wasted by you fools, I wouldn't need to do this. I'll hate every moment of it, but who wouldn't pay for a date with me?" a smirk accompanied the rhetorical question.

"Don't overestimate your attractiveness," Aquaman put in his two cents and was immediately silenced with a glare.

"Aquaman, don't make me lock you away again," Batman threatened. Aquaman paled considerably and retreated a few steps only to swiftly be thrown aside by Wonder Woman who was trailed by superman. Wonder Woman looked absolutely furious and Superman looked a bit conflicted. Aquaman simply stayed in the corner he landed in and watched Wonder Woman stomp through the room.

"What the hell? You can't sell a date with yourself to raise money for the league," Wonder Woman's tone and expression would terrify most people. Luckily Batman wasn't most people and allowed the tone to roll over him without any noticeable reaction. He continued typing, completely unaffected which was extremely typical of him.

"Now, you might have had the high ground to say that if you weren't part of the reasons our funds, which I provide, were wasted. You've caused plenty of damage around here with your antics, many of which related to you trying to seduce me, if it could be called that," Batman rolled his eyes beneath his cowl, not that he didn't have fun with her.

"That's different and it works some of the time," Wonder Woman defended herself. It was true her habit of trying to 'entice' Batman did work occasionally, it just happened to leave things and often people damaged.

"If you're so interested just enter yourself," Batman waved a hand. He kept his eyes trained on the monitor, not allowing anyone to see the smile that could easily be classified as evil growing on his face.

"Wait we can enter?" Superman asked speaking for the first time sounding slightly excited more than he reasonably should have been.

"What do you mean _we_?" Wonder Woman turned to glare at him. She didn't want anymore competition, especially from the Man of Steel. Defeating the women of earth was going to be annoying enough she didn't need a rival in the form of Superman.

"I don't get to spend enough time with Bruce, I'll do whatever it takes to hang out with him," Superman stated resolutely avoiding looking directly at Wonder Woman's eyes and shuffling closer to Batman.

"Superman we're in costume, it's Batman. Understand?" Batman finally turned his eyes away from the monitor to fix a glare at Superman who nodded meekly. "And yes, all league members can enter provided they pay. Aquaman that does not include you, you may not enter under any circumstances."

"Why not?" He pulled himself out of his corner and managed to sound indignant.

"I don't want to spend time with you, besides I doubt you want to spend time with me," Batman responded gruffly, trying to finish his work. His relationship with the King of Atlantis was one of derision and antagonism on his part.

"I don't know, if we became friends maybe things would be better and you wouldn't force me to be a peasant in your kingdom," Aquaman refused to make eye contact with Batman instead he just kicked at some imaginary dirt. He looked like an embarrassed child and Batman chose not to answer him at all.

"Alright, I'm done," Batman pressed one last button and with a small beep that betrayed the enormity of what he had just done his work was complete for the time being.

"Exactly what are you done with?" Wonder Woman looked over his shoulder not entirely sure what the codes on the screen were for.

"I've managed to broadcast my announcement, now every television and radio should be playing the news of my contest. I'll probably have to do a few interviews during the coming days then sign ups can begin and you'll get your chance to enter," Batman stood up paying no heed to the shouts in the watchtower as people started to get word of his contest.

"And now it begins," Batman resisted cackling like a monster simply because someone might faint if they heard him actually laughing.

"How many people do you think are going to enter?" Green lantern asked what everyone was thinking while simultaneously reminding everyone of his presence.

"It's a date with me, how many people do you expect to resist?" Batman left the room with a flourish of his cape leaving the rest of the heroes to ponder his question. How many people were going to enter this sham?

If the excitement already starting only within the tower was any indication, quite a few would be entering. Batman had plenty of fan clubs on earth and he had admirers among aliens as well. However rather than worrying about the possible danger the crowds of ravenous fans could stir up the league members were more concerned about getting details on how to win that elusive date with Batman.

* * *

 **A/N**

So that is the starting chapter, this is actually the first time I wrote an actual story without it being from a specific character's point of view. Quick explanation in relation to my other story, Batman declared himself king in chapter 17 and grants various league members different titles, Aquaman is low on the scale. He also tends to mess with the league as a whole through different means, but everyone still respects him to various degrees.

I know I usually update everything on Friday, but this popped into my head and I wanted to upload this earlier than my main Justice League story.

Thanks for reading and let me know what you think.


	2. Chapter 2

"Online pre-registration is already beginning even though nobody knows the rules yet," Superman said in disbelief looking at the rapidly climbing numbers. Apparently Batman set up an official Justice League Website with a direct link to registration for his contest, when or how he did this was unknown. If you registered online within the first twenty-four hours after the announcements it was half-price. Despite nobody actually knowing what the contest would entail all across the world people were clamoring to sign up. Even with their advanced technology the site nearly crashed twice already. Despite knowing about Batman's popularity the league was still slightly shocked at the quick and overwhelming response.

"Seriously all for a date with, Batman," Green Arrow sighed, "Why aren't more women interested in me? Aren't I cool?" His question was met with silence, which served as answer enough.

"I could as the same question," Aquaman said stepped closer to the small crowd watching the monitor. The whole situation was annoying mostly because he wasn't supposed to be involved.

"No, you couldn't you aren't cool, neither of you are. Deal with it," Wonder Woman bit out at him mercilessly. Since the announcement she'd been in a terrible mood and everyone predicted it would get worse as time went on. Her romance with Batman was rocky to start with considering it was almost entirely one-sided except when Batman was in the mood to indulge her. The fact that she couldn't get a date with him, but he was willing to sell one to a random person was infuriating.

"My best friend is amazing, I hope I win," Superman sighed in adoration getting a look of scorn from Wonder Woman. He looked like he was debating trying to placate Wonder Woman, but gave up. He knew it would be futile to try calming her down when she was in this state.

"I can't believe all these floozies think they have a chance with my man," Wonder Woman growled tapping refresh and seeing another surge in the numbers.

"As far as I can tell he isn't your man just yet," Superman pointed at the number of people looking to date Batman. Although he said it without malice, Wonder Woman's fury only grew.

"Oh, is he yours?" She leaned in close daring him to say, 'yes'.

"He is his own man," a gravelly voice said stopping the fight from going any further. "He also happens to be getting plenty of money, so he is being gracious enough not to scold you for talking about him."

"Have you reverted to the third person now?" Aquaman asked not entirely sure where things were going.

"A king can do what he wants," Batman responded not really answering the question.

"Wait, was that third person?" Green Arrow asked not wanting to be left out, as he so often was.

"I think that was a saying," Superman responded not entirely sure. He looked at Batman for confirmation, but his expression didn't alter in the slightest.

"I've never heard that saying before," Wonder Woman interjected being pulled out of her rage by the odd conversation.

"It was a king's saying," Batman responded apparently growing tired of the short derailing of conversation.

"Wait a king as in you in third person or just a king in general?" Green Arrow was clearly only growing more confused.

"Are you being difficult on purpose Green Arrow or are you just a fool?" Batman asked trying to kill the conversation.

"Honestly no," Green Arrow shook his head.

"No, to which?" Superman asked.

"We're getting off topic, I want to talk about the women trying to bother my man," Wonder Woman shoved Green Arrow who crashed into Aquaman sending the pair sprawling. The members of the trinity didn't spare them a glance.

"Actually there are also plenty of men signing up," Superman cheerfully informed her, and asked, "didn't we already establish that he wasn't your man?" Batman just sighed at the fight that was inevitably going to break out if he didn't step in. They would talk in circles all night if he allowed them and although he was in a good mood, it wasn't nearly enough to listen to them anymore.

"Shut up, all of you. I'm tired of listening to you blather on, now if you'll get out of my way I need to type up the actual plan," Batman gave a glare to the entire room which promptly shut everyone else up.

"First person?" Green Arrow asked breaking the silence from his place from the floor and for his insolent question a batarang was thrown his way. That was all it took for him to run out of the room fearing that he might stir up more of Batman's anger.

"Alright now to the task at hand, I plan to have tests and trials all entrants must participate in to weed out those not worthy to go on a date with me," Batman began, he roughly shoving Superman out of his way to get to the keyboard. Superman only nodded and gave his 'best friend' a thumbs up indicating his support. "I'll only be announcing the next task once the results of the previous one are complete to prevent anyone from planning ahead."

"What kinds of trials are we talking about?" Wonder Woman asked subtly trying to get information ahead of time.

Apparently Batman didn't care because he responded honestly, "Some physical tests, mental tests, competitions, and of course we'll have a screening process. Those sorts of things."

"That was just vague enough to tell us absolutely nothing," Superman sighed he had been hoping for the same thing as Wonder Woman, a leg up on the competition.

Aquaman was listening closely, being completely forgotten had its own perks. He planned on entering the competition for a date, even if he had to do so undercover. Before he could come up with a decent plan Batman spoke again, "Now all three of you get out, I want to work in peace and knowing you I certainly won't get it if you're around." Batman simply pointed to the exit of the room not waiting for anyone to agree or disagree, Aquaman was slightly disappointed that he was noticed. All three walked out of the room in resigned silence.

Batman cracked his knuckles and began typing at a furious pace, smiling darkly all the while.

* * *

 **A/N**

Chapter 2 is complete, but don't expect chapters every two days. I just want to get this story established before I move to a different place in the original story so this can work as a related stand alone.

I know this story seems heavily dialogue based, but there will be more description once people are forced to go through Batman's trials.

Let me know what you think, I'm pretty excited about where I can go with this story. I don't plan on having this mentioned in "Public Service Announcements of Justice" so you can think of this as a different path in the same alternate universe. The characters may come across slightly less insane because I have to write actual text and story pieces rather than singular situations. However as the story progresses they will fall further than they already have, so be prepared.

Thanks for reading.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

The first trial was fairly simple write a letter and send it to a specified location or e-mail it to BatmanIsHot. The location differed based on the part of the planet they lived on and Flash was sent out to collect the handwritten letters. If not for Flash's speed the entire process would be endless so Batman was somewhat grateful for Flash's aid.

The letters were a simple introduction, some information about them, why they wanted to go on a date with Batman, and what they would want to do on the date. Batman would go through the letters and start the first round of eliminations from there.

Batman made a few exceptions, anyone who was a known superhero, a member of the league, or an acquaintance of his would automatically bypass the first two tests.

Rather than bother actually reading through the letters he simply uploaded everything into the monitor womb and had it look for keywords such as 'marriage' and eliminate them on the spot. After a few rounds of nearly automatic eliminations based on certain words and phrases he started to skim through those that remained, which was still an large amount.

With a sigh he started his job, he was making millions upon millions of dollars off these people the least he could do was give it a bit effort. However instead of looking at people who would be compatible with him he started choosing people that would make the challenges more interesting. He didn't care about dating anyone, the journey would be far more interesting than the result.

Even with randomly eliminations and skimming it took almost a full week to whittle down the competitors. Anyone still in the competition would be dealing with an interview in person with him or one of his chosen representatives. He chose to let Superman, Wonder Woman, Flash, Captain Marvel, and Martian Manhunter be the judges.

The group was picked solely because the different and dysfunctional personalities of each member would lead to them making very different choices on those moving forward. He didn't want a large group of similar people to move forward, he wanted to enjoy this. He also thought it would be funny to see how Wonder Woman whittled down her competition given that she had to allow some people through to the next round, so she couldn't eliminate everyone.

A few days after he relayed the information, he and his representatives left the watchtower to split those remaining into six groups, based on geographical location to be interviewed.

Although the interviews were extremely short Batman quickly grew sick of dealing with the plebeians, he said as much to Nightwing who was watching with undisguised amusement. After a particularly annoying giggly girl who most certainly was not making it into the next round left Batman allowed himself a moment of silence to take a few deep breaths.

It was interrupted by the opening of the door and a snort from Nightwing, Batman slowly opened his eyes and had to fight away his own laugh, "What's your name?" He managed to keep himself under control and not betray his emotions.

In front of him stood an extremely masculine woman who was clearly Aquman in a very bad disguise. He was wearing a tight dress which did nothing to hide his male physique and one of the fake breasts he had been wearing had already fallen out as he stepped through the door.

He introduced himself in a squeaky cracking voice that was meant to sound like a girl,"I'm ugh Aqua," there was a slight pause, "fina."

"Your name is Aquafina?" Batman asked watching Aquaman squirm. His blonde wig was slipping and Aquaman had to keep adjusting it in a completely noticeable way. Nightwing was cracking up and almost fell over, he had to lean against the wall to remain upright.

"Yes," 'Aquafina' responded trying to smile, but all it did was bring Batman's attention to the fact that he shaved, but he already had a five o'clock shadow.

"Right," Batman dragged the word out glancing at Nightwing out of the corner of his eye to see him recovering a bit. "So what are your defining traits, what make you, you?" Batman asked playing along.

"I enjoy swimming, fish, and helping others," 'Aquafina' replied twitching slightly under Batman's penetrating gaze.

"Helping others how noble, I suppose I can relate. When you say you like fish would you order seafood if we went on a date?" Batman asked wanting to see how 'Aquafina' would react

"I would never eat an innocent fish," 'she' sounded almost horrified.

"Oh, so you're an animal rights activist?" Batman phrased it as a question, but it almost sounded like a statement.

"No, just sea creatures I don't particularly care about land animals," 'Aquafina said dismissively of anything that lived on land.

"Well that's certainly odd. You know, you remind me of someone," Batman leaned in pretending to scrutinize 'her'.

"Uh, I was kidding I really like all animals like aardvarks and whatnot," 'Aquafina' nervously tried to retract her comment.

"Yes, and whatnot," Batman agreed slowly before continuing the questioning, "So what convinced you to enter this contest?"

"I just wanted to get to know you?" 'Aquafina' answered almost as a question as if 'she' didn't know why 'she' entered.

"Just to get to know me, you're not interested in me on a romantic level?" Batman asked raising an eyebrow.

"No, that's not it you're very handsome. Ugh your muscles are very good looking," 'Aquafina' floundered a bit.

"Thanks," Batman replied flatly, "Compliments mean a lot from beautiful women such as yourself."

'Aquafina' attempted to giggle, but it came out far too deep to be cute.

"Alright, this has been a very interesting meeting, I'm sure I'll see you again at the next stage of the competition have a nice day, Aquafina," Batman finally allowed himself to smile as 'Aquafina' stumbled out.

"That was incredible," Nightwing finally spoke up, "Aquaman impressed me today, I have a new found respect for him."

"Respect?" Batman turned to face Nightwing slightly at a loss for once.

"What kind of idiot thinks he can waltz into a room with Batman dressed in women's clothing as a disguise and actually get away with it? I mean that takes guts," Nightwing started laughing again, "You know in our line of work it's the little things we have to enjoy and I very much enjoyed that."

Batman refused to admit it out loud, but it did brighten his day a bit to have a break in the monotony. However that was gone when he fell back into his pace of dealing with relatively normal people. The only positive part of the situation was that Nightwing was there to make comments about everyone once they left.

He expected that everyone else was enjoying their experience about as much as he was, but he didn't feel particularly guilty about making them do it. He couldn't remember the last time he actually felt bad about ordering the rest of the league around like his lackeys.

* * *

 **A/N**

 **Chapter 3 is done, I hope you enjoyed it. I happen to love Aquafina and yes Aquaman's alter ego will play a continuing role in the story.**

 **Let me know what you think and thanks for reading.**

 **Also I know I posted this on a Thursday which is odd, but I didn't post last week so I decided to post early and hopefully tomorrow (Friday) I'll update another one of my stories.**


	4. Chapter 4

By the time the process was over everyone forced to work for him was extremely annoyed at Batman, but they weren't crazy enough to voice it. Instead they just went through the lists of who they allowed to the next step of the competition.

It wasn't particularly difficult to find a trend with some of the groups. Everyone chosen by Wonder Woman either had a personality that Batman would find horrible or some off putting trait be it physical or mental. Captain Marvel chose mainly children, Flash chose women who he personally was attracted to, Martian Manhunter chose every tenth person, Superman was very meticulous in finding people he thought might make Batman happy, and Batman mainly chose people he thought would be good to throw onto television.

Although Batman obviously knew why each person chose who they did he decided to gather them and get their opinions.

The small group stood in a line feeling distinctly uncomfortable as Batman walked back and forth in front of them like some drill sergeant. "Flash," Batman began and the Flash immediately straightened up, "What personality traits made you think your choices were the right ones?"

"We were judging personality?" Flash asked blankly.

"You were judging the person as a whole, but I suppose I left it to your discretion," Batman replied clearly not particularly caring about his own rules

"I was just judging based on the outside, I didn't really want to waste time talking to them," Flash shrugged, "Besides I'm sure you'll like my choices."

"That explains a lot," Superman sighed looking at the other hero.

"What exactly does it explain?" Wonder Woman asked her annoyance already beginning to surface.

"Why he only chose extremely attractive people," Batman supplied and Wonder Woman shot a murderous glare directly at the Flash who hid behind Batman.

"It's not like you're much better," Batman fixed a glare on her, "You simply chose people you thought I wouldn't like."

"You can't prove that," Wonder Woman quickly replied, but the nervous tone in her voice and the fact that she didn't actually deny it pointed to it being true.

"You passed a woman who literally said, she was only doing this to meet Flash and she was actually terrified of me," Batman referred to one young woman who walked in wearing a Flash shirt.

"Really?" Flash sounded far more pleased than Batman felt was necessary given the circumstances.

"Shut up, these people are competing for the most loved member of the league, not you," Batman hissed at the Flash who merely nodded and apologized looking like a kicked puppy. Wonder Woman simply coughed and looked away not really having any way to refute his point.

"And most feared member," Superman added, but once a batglare was fixed in his direction he quickly continued, "Which is just another reason why you're so great."

"I know," Batman replied completely seriously. "I don't want to speak about any of your choices anymore, I'll just give myself a headache. Leave," he commanded.

"Hold on I have a question," Superman began to speak, but was swiftly cut off by Batman.

"Leave you peasants," he commanded pointing to the door of the room, "I may have to reinstate the kingdom, clearly my rule wasn't harsh enough if you haven't learned to follow directions," Batman's voice dropped further.

The league members sprinted out of the room terrified of what might happen if Batman became king again and was mad at them, though Wonder Woman did add, "Isn't he hot when he's mad?"

* * *

Batman skimmed through the remaining contestants and eliminated some before announcing the next round of the competition and who would be participating. He also chose to televise the competition he prepared to earn money, it didn't take long to organize deals with multiple networks and sponsors. He released the names of those who would be participating, but didn't actually tell them what they would be doing. He chose to keep that to himself, it would be more fun watching them react to the situations if they weren't sure what to expect.

Batman sighed not for the first time, sorting this trash was draining, but the influx of money was enough to mitigate his annoyance. It wasn't as if he needed the money personally, but the watchtower was constantly facing damages or the league was being sued for one reason or another. He chose to ignore the fact that he was often involved in some way. Rather than draining his personal money, it was beneficial for the entire league for him to bring money from other sources and he wasn't above manipulating a huge portion of the world's population into paying into a competition they were bound to lose.

He decided it was time to record his message, he turned on the camera and began to relay his words across the world. "Congratulations to those of you who have been accepted into the next round. For those of you who haven't you only have yourselves to blame, you should meditate on your faults and try to improve as a person. Rather than try to read the names off I will be sending a delivery boy to give the invitations for the competition to those currently still in the running. To everyone else there will be tickets going on sale tomorrow at 11:59 pm to view the event. If you try to run a program to buy multiple tickets and scalp them I will find you and destroy you, so avoid that. That is all, you'll receive further information in the future."

With the click of a button he turned the camera off and proceeded to walk away with a smirk on his face because unlike the rest of the world he knew what was coming. He realized he had forgotten to mention that he wasn't to blame for injury or death be it by accident or on purpose. He'd just add it in fine print on the invitation and if someone ended up maimed he wasn't responsible, even if he would enjoy it.


End file.
